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Consent: A Memoir Hardcover – Deckle Edge, June 11, 2024
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“Few writers can tackle the bedroom—or female libido . . . but Ciment is a master: in exquisitely spare prose, she nails it.” — The New York Times
In this unflinching account of the ardent love affair between the author and her painting teacher, which began in the 1970s, when she was a teenager and he was married with two children, Ciment not only reflects on how their love ignited (who leaned in first for that kiss?) but interrogates her 1996 memoir on the subject, Half a Life. She asks herself if she told the whole truth back then, and what truth looked like to her in the even longer-ago era of love-bead curtains when she fell in love, when no one asked who was served by the permissibility around a May-December romance. In the light of #metoo, with new understanding about the balance of power between an older man and an underage girl, Ciment re-explores the erotic wild ride and intellectual flowering that shaped an improbable but blissful marriage that lasted for forty-five years, until her husband’s death at ninety-three.
This riveting book about art, memory, and morality asks many questions along the way: Does a story’s ending excuse its beginning? Does a kiss in one moment mean something else entirely five decades later? Can a love that starts with such an asymmetrical balance of power ever right itself? Suffused with the wisdom that comes with time, Consent is an author’s brave recasting of her life’s settled narrative, and an urgent read for women of all ages.
- Print length160 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherPantheon
- Publication dateJune 11, 2024
- Dimensions5.92 x 0.71 x 8.52 inches
- ISBN-100593701062
- ISBN-13978-0593701065
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Editorial Reviews
Review
“Frank, provocative and deeply compelling.” —People
“Remarkable . . . at once forthright, thoughtful, and moving. . . . This is a book poised to fuel plenty of discussion.” —Heller McAlpin, NPR
“Arresting. . . . Bold. . . . Ciment has given readers a brave and beautiful variant on the #MeToo memoir.” —Maureen Corrigan, NPR Fresh Air
“Enthralling. . . . In Consent, Ciment revisits what she wrote back [in Half a Life], re-scrutinizes the memories she tapped and the story she built from them, and then brings the history of her marriage.” —Slate
“Early in Consent Ciment asks whether her marriage was all ‘fruit from the poisonous tree.’ It is a daring question, and she is unsentimental and unflinching enough to answer it convincingly, which is to say, complexly. She shrinks from nothing in her accounting: not from Arnold’s sordid advances, not from her teenage naiveté, not from the many indignities of her situation. Nor does she shrink from the most scandalous surprise of all: the possibility of a love forceful enough to overturn the habitual hierarchies.” —Becca Rothfeld, The Washington Post
“Fiercely honest yet delicate. . . . Ciment reexamines her relationship and the project of memoir writing itself: whose memories count and how stories of our youth get reconfigured with the passage of time.” —Oprah Daily
“In this sharply candid anatomy of a relationship and spellcasting remembrance, Ciment reflects on the dubious start to their union and how their roles switched over time. By turns stinging, hilarious, and poignant, this is rare and luminous testimony to creativity, commitment, and love over all.” —Donna Seaman, Booklist (starred review)
“Candid. . . . A hot bullet of a memoir.” —Kirkus Reviews
“Consent just might be the new gold standard for the memoir. By revisiting a part of her life that she wrote about nearly three decades ago, comparing her then-account to the way she would describe the same events today, Jill Ciment asks exhilarating questions about who we are, how we let the stories we tell ourselves and others settle and define us. What makes Consent so fascinating is that Ciment kept the tapes: her previous account makes her able to turn her memories at different angles against the light. What really happened? Everything in her first memoir was true, and the story hasn’t changed (it is still, at its heart, a love story). Yet something has changed. Ciment tackles deep and painful issues without any fuss. In prose that is concise yet warm, unsparingly honest and often hilarious, she gives us this rarest of gifts: a book that is both urgently of its moment and absolutely timeless.” —Camille Bordas, author of How to Behave in A Crowd and The Material
“In her new memoir, Ciment revisits the scandalous romance that became the defining fact of her personal life—her passionate and enduring relationship with a man thirty years her senior, begun when she was a teenager. In her fiercely intelligent and imaginative style, Ciment interrogates her memories through a new lens, and in the process creates an indelible portrait not just of a marriage, but of the remembering mind, its revisions and revelations.” —Jo Ann Beard, author of The Boys of My Youth and Festival Days
“In Consent, Ciment explores deep and difficult questions about her lifelong relationship with her much older husband. Her writing, as always, is imaginative, funny, and thoroughly entertaining as she reflects upon the ethics of their relationship. Her story resonates today, maybe even more than it did when it happened.” —Nicole Holofcener, American Film Director and Writer of You Hurt My Feelings
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Pantheon (June 11, 2024)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 160 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0593701062
- ISBN-13 : 978-0593701065
- Item Weight : 10.6 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.92 x 0.71 x 8.52 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #248,959 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,954 in Sociology Reference
- #3,134 in Women's Biographies
- #8,366 in Memoirs (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Jill Ciment was born in Montreal, Canada. She is the author of Small Claims, a collection of short stories and novellas; The Law of Falling Bodies, Teeth of the Dog, The Tattoo Artist, and Heroic Measures, novels; and Half a Life, a memoir. Heroic Measures is the basis for the film 5 Flights Up starring Diane Keaton and Morgan Freeman. She has been awarded a National Endowment for the Arts, a NEA Japan Fellowship Prize, two New York State Fellowships for the Arts, the Janet Heidinger Kafka Prize, and a Guggenheim Fellowship. Ciment is a professor at the University of Florida. She lives in Gainesville, Florida.
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the memoir compelling and quick to read, with one describing it as a well-written thought-provoking book. Moreover, they appreciate the author's portrayal of love, with one noting how it's filled with concerns and meanderings on the subject. Additionally, the book receives praise for its beauty, with one customer describing it as an outstanding portrait. Customers also value the author's writing talent, with one mentioning how they learned to paint with words.
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Customers appreciate the love expressed in the book, with one review noting how the author describes her feelings throughout the narrative, while another mentions how it is filled with concerns and meanderings on love.
"...This one is perhaps her best book ever. It is filled with concerns and meanderings on love, sexual politics, art, questions about her relationship..." Read more
"I admire the way the author describes her feelings. She often verbalizes what has often been for me non-verbal thoughts." Read more
"...It is universal and beautiful and it's real. It's joy and funny as we read about ourselves; heartfelt, sad, and true, no matter the perspective." Read more
"...age unequal marriage and coupled life is impossibly compelling and very loving. A real love described meaningfully. For the ages...." Read more
Customers find the book readable and compelling, with one describing it as a well-written and thought-provoking read.
"...This one is perhaps her best book ever...." Read more
"Well reasoned recounting of a past that is being reevaluated. Well worth a reader's time" Read more
"I read this memoir in one sitting, and found it interesting and quick to read...." Read more
"...the last part of an age unequal marriage and coupled life is impossibly compelling and very loving. A real love described meaningfully...." Read more
Customers appreciate the beauty of the book, with one describing it as an outstanding portrait.
"...It is filled with concerns and meanderings on love, sexual politics, art, questions about her relationship, and a lot of self-examination...." Read more
"...But there is undeniable beauty in the realness of her experience and the devotion that she and Arnold had for one another...." Read more
"It is us, all of us, and all of our facets. It is universal and beautiful and it's real...." Read more
"An outstanding portrait......" Read more
Customers find the book thought-provoking, with one customer describing it as a well-reasoned recounting of a past.
"Well reasoned recounting of a past that is being reevaluated. Well worth a reader's time" Read more
"I read this memoir in one sitting, and found it interesting and quick to read...." Read more
"This is an interesting retake on an author's own memoir...." Read more
"Compelling and Thought Provoking - Quick Read..." Read more
Customers praise the author's writing talent, with one noting how they learned to paint with words.
"...I couldn't put Consent down until I finished. She is a gifted writer. I will seek out more of her work." Read more
"Great writing..." Read more
"She Learned to Paint with Words..." Read more
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on June 22, 2024Jill Ciment continues her memoir from her previous one, 'Half a Life'. 'Consent' details the 45 year love affair and marriage of the author and her painting teacher, Arnold Mesches, who was 30 years her senior. The two met when Ciment was 17 and taking a class from Mesches. She was immediately attracted to him and instigated the relationship with a kiss. But did she really? After all, there was a huge power and age differential and, despite her desire, he held the upper hand. And after 45 years, how accurate is a memory?
Ms. Ciment examines the wondrous and loving years of her marriage and its May-December quality in light of the 'me too' movement and current beliefs regarding misogyny, power, patriarchy and control. She questions her relationship with Mesches in contrast to present propriety and comes to the conclusion that their union was one of love and equality.
I have read all of the author's books and admired each of them. This one is perhaps her best book ever. It is filled with concerns and meanderings on love, sexual politics, art, questions about her relationship, and a lot of self-examination. I highly recommend this book.
- Reviewed in the United States on July 1, 2024I admire the way the author describes her feelings. She often verbalizes what has often been for me non-verbal thoughts.
- Reviewed in the United States on March 31, 2025Well reasoned recounting of a past that is being reevaluated. Well worth a reader's time
- Reviewed in the United States on February 7, 2025I read this memoir in one sitting, and found it interesting and quick to read. My problem is with the authors honesty with herself and I feel she never took that responsibility ever in her life. I will explain. Chapter 10, page 47 the author writes about a middle aged man who gives up his kids and house and car and bank accounts for a teen ager. The author never states the loss of his wife with 25 years of marriage. I realize this is her story and they ended up spending their life together but where is the sanctiny of marriage anymore? Why should I not care what happened to his relationship with his children or how his ex moved on. The embarrassment she must have endured. You should have kept this story to yourself, it didn't need to be written.
- Reviewed in the United States on July 7, 2024The truths Jill Ciment revisits in her account of her love story with a husband 30 years her senior are difficult to read. But there is undeniable beauty in the realness of her experience and the devotion that she and Arnold had for one another. She asks early on in the novel if their entire story is tainted due to being “fruit from the poisonous tree,” and I can’t answer that.
I can’t pretend not to be revolted by Arnold’s actions and yet, at the same time, I can clearly understand why Jill loved him. I’m not sure how I should feel after reading this memoir. I think I’ve come away from it with the same uncertainty as the author, but I don’t doubt that Jill loved Arnold and vice versa, regardless of how they began.
- Reviewed in the United States on July 29, 2024Such an honest account of a union that survived so much ups & downs, a union that was taboo, but that endured.
Well written and totally honest.
- Reviewed in the United States on August 1, 2024This is an interesting retake on an author's own memoir. While she doesn't completely take back her 45 year relationship, she does dissect her original memoir and look at the places she was likely lying to herself and omitting information.
- Reviewed in the United States on November 23, 2024...of a young woman and an older man. And as their journey ages, so does the pace and the style and the consideration that all life is sacred. Even this one. Thank you, ma'am. I couldn't, in fact didn't, put it down