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Grief Is for People Hardcover – February 27, 2024

4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars 644 ratings

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Disarmingly witty and poignant, Sloane Crosley's memoir explores multiple kinds of loss following the death of her closest friend.

How do we live without the ones we love?
Grief Is for People is a deeply moving and suspenseful portrait of friendship, and a book about loss that is profuse with life. Sloane Crosley is one of our most renowned observers of contemporary behavior, and now the pathos that has been ever present in her trademark wit is on full display. After the pain and confusion of losing her closest friend to suicide, Crosley looks for answers in philosophy and art, hoping for a framework more useful than the unavoidable stages of grief.

For most of her adult life, Sloane and Russell worked together and played together as they navigated the corridors of office life, the literary world, and the dramatic cultural shifts in New York City. One day, Sloane's apartment is broken into. Along with her most prized possessions, the thief makes off with her sense of security, leaving a mystery in its place.

When Russell dies exactly one month later, his suicide propels Sloane on a wild quest to right the unrightable, to explore what constitutes family and possession as the city itself faces the staggering toll of the pandemic.

Sloane Crosley's search for truth is frank, darkly funny, and gilded with resounding empathy. Upending the "grief memoir,"
Grief Is for People is a category-defying story of the struggle to hold on to the past without being consumed by it. A modern elegy, it rises precisely to console and challenge our notions of mourning during these grief-stricken times.
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Popular Highlights in this book

From the Publisher

Grief is for People Sloane Crosley
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Grief is for People Sloane Crosley Meghan O'Rourke

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"There's nothing traditional or twice-cooked about Crosley's voice, her arresting observations . . .Throughout, Crosley cites Joan Didion, whose two personal books on grief, The Year Of Magical Thinking and Blue Nights, she obviously sees as a touchstone for her own. To me, Grief Is For People is every bit their equal in eloquence, intensity and toughness."
Maureen Corrigan, NPR

"Sloane Crosley finds a way to take the formless devastation of an acute loss ― the death of her friend Russell ― and transform it into a work of art: a chronicle of grief finely, closely observed."
―Christopher Cox, New York Magazine

"Impeccably crafted, this book pushes an already feted writer into potent new territory."
―Hephzibah Anderson, The Guardian

"Grief Is for People finds Sloane Crosley grappling with an apartment break-in and, not long after, the death of a dear friend and colleague by suicide. In prose that is both personal and raw―and yet somehow still makes room for Crosley's rightfully-heralded wit―Grief Is for People is a powerful, touching memoir that explores a place we are all going to be at some point. Yet, despite it being a mourning book, this is not a grim or dark book-- but a poignant and relatable one, with a sly humor and heartbreaking candor that beautifully expresses anger, acceptance, and love."
―Isaac Fitzgerald, The TODAY Show

"[Crosley's] signature shrewdness comes through, particularly in the Depression section, which shows the author in the depths of her grief, but offers relief through humorous lines of dialogue and passing thoughts on pandemic-era activities . . . [Crosley is] offering us a look into [Perreault's] life through the lens of her love, pain and admiration. Telling us, with precision and generosity, how it might be when it is our turn to remember what was true about those we’ve lost."
Ashley C. Ford, The New York Times Book Review

"
Grief Is for People is a moving and much-needed tribute to this vital but often unsung human relationship. . . Crosley's book is a roaring success."
―Becca Rothfeld, The Washington Post

“Crosley’s writing sparkles with a remarkable wit . . . [
Grief Is for People] is more bold, probing, and exposed than anything else she has published . . . By attesting to her pain so publicly and poignantly, Crosley again shows her noteworthy literary chops, as well as her unambiguous love for all that’s been lost.”
―Cory Oldweiler, The Boston Globe

“A stunning investigation into the nature of loss . . . [Crosley] hasn’t abandoned her spritely wit, but she is looking more critically at what matters here.”
―Chloe Schama, Vogue

“Raw and poignant . . . Leavened by Crosley’s characteristic gimlet wit, this excavation of grief, loss, and friendship leaves a lasting twinge.”
―Adrienne Westenfeld, Esquire

"A beautifully written, illumination, mordant and moving meditation on [Crosley's] experience of loss and its aftermath."
―Abigail Fagan, Psychology Today

"Is it wrong to say that a memoir about loss and grieving is fun to read? If so, I’m in trouble, because I enjoyed every word of this book. I also ached and suffered along with Crosley: Her portrait of mourning after the suicide of her best friend is gutting and deeply engaging."
―Susan Orlean, author of The Orchid Thief

"Potent and propulsive, a lyrical meditation on loss and what comes after.
Grief Is for People is heartbreaking and wholly original."
―Tara Westover, author of Educated

"I have come to rely on Sloane Crosley for her oyster knife humor, bourbon hot observation, and indelible portraits of how we live with each other.
Grief Is For People is about how we live without the ones we love. Crosley brings her whole self to this memoir―her gifts, her flaws, her intellect, her wit and emotion. She loves hard, grieves hard, and writes with the beauty and urgency of a white hot star. I wish I didn’t 'get' this book as much as I do but Grief Is for People is the book I didn’t know I needed to read."
―Tayari Jones, author of An American Marriage

"
Grief Is for People captures the feeling of watching a beloved, inappropriate and wild person fit less and less with the times we live in. Like Didion's The Year Of Magical Thinking or Defoe's Journal of a Plague Year, Grief Is for People takes us through the ordinary, awful and never-quite-ending experience of loss. It also made me laugh very hard, many times. I can't stop thinking about it."
―John Mulaney

“An indelible portrait of a singular friendship,
Grief Is for People is a beautifully written and sharply observed memoir about grief, yes, but also: secrets, betrayal, rage, work, community, and most of all, love. It's both a provocation and a balm to the soul.”
―Dani Shapiro, author of Family History

"In this vivid, and bitingly funny account, Sloane Crosley exposes the magical thinking and murk that follow a friend's suicide. Crosley's prose is honest, lucid, and always surprising; I can't imagine a better companion to guide us through the pain of losing a friend. A painful and necessary book; I will be keeping it close for years to come."
―Meghan O'Rourke, author of The Invisible Kingdom

"Grief can feel like falling off a tall cliff in slow motion. Sloane Crosley maps each second of her descent through anguish and disbelief with such intelligence, humor, and unvarnished honesty that we never want to hit the ground. It’s a testament to Crosley’s enormous talent that she could transform such a terrible loss into a story that becomes more satisfying with each page: a celebration of the ambiguities of our deepest connections and a manifestation of love so strong that it emanates forgiveness and gratitude."
―Heather Havrilesky, Ask Polly columnist and author of Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage

"Novelist and essayist Crosley is a tightrope writer of devastating wit and plain devastation, a balancing act no doubt requiring even more muscle in this memoir of her grief...This is a searching, impassioned, cathartic, and loving elegy."
―Booklist, starred review

"Not only a joy to read, but also a respectful and philosophical work . . . A sharp narrative that finds commonality in the dislocation brought on by these events . . . A warm remembrance sure to resonate with anyone who has experienced loss . . . Marvelously tender."
Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

"In this aching meditation on loss and friendship, essayist and novelist Crosley (
Cult Classic) eulogizes her late literary mentor and best friend against the backdrop of the high-pressure publishing industry...Her characteristically whip-smart prose takes on a newly introspective quality as she reinvigorates dusty publishing memoir tropes and captures the minutiae of a complicated friendship with humor and heart. This is a must-read."
Publishers Weekly (starred review)

About the Author

Sloane Crosley is the author of the bestselling novels Cult Classic and The Clasp as well as three essay collections: Look Alive Out There and the New York Times bestsellers I Was Told There'd Be Cake and How Did You Get This Number. A two-time finalist for The Thurber Prize for American Humor, she is a contributing editor for Vanity Fair and her work has appeared in publications including The New Yorker, The New York Times Book Review, The New York Review of Books and Vogue. She lives in New York City.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ MCD (February 27, 2024)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 208 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0374609845
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0374609849
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 10.4 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.75 x 0.75 x 8.3 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars 644 ratings

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Sloane Crosley
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Sloane Crosley is the author of the New York Times bestselling essay collections "I Was Told There'd Be Cake" and "How Did You Get This Number" as well as "Look Alive Out There." Her debut novel, "The Clasp," and her sophomore novel, "Cult Classic," were both national bestsellers and have been optioned for film. Her latest book, "Grief Is for People," a memoir, is a New York Times bestseller and has received critical acclaim. A two-time finalist for The Thurber Prize for American Humor, Crosley lives in New York City.

Customer reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
644 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the story touching and enjoyable. They appreciate the humor and wit of the author. The writing quality is described as amazing, sparkling, and thought-provoking. Readers praise the author's intellectual honesty and commitment. They describe the book as an addictive, moving read about friendship.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

13 customers mention "Heartfelt story"10 positive3 negative

Customers find the story touching and enjoyable. They appreciate the author's incisive writing style that makes the subject of death interesting and thought-provoking. The story is interesting but not captivating, and it's not a morbid or sad book.

"...While she doesn’t tout this as a self-help book, she touches on the stages of grief, sensitive to the fact that not all grief is tied to death,..." Read more

"...The amazing writing of this author made it readable and thought provoking. So many unanswered questions, however beautifully written...." Read more

"...The rest of the book is about her grief. But this is not a morbid, sad book. She writes beautifully about her life without him...." Read more

"...n’t ever read this book unless you want a fresh and utterly heartwrenching perspective on grief...." Read more

11 customers mention "Humor"8 positive3 negative

Customers find the book humorous and engaging. They appreciate the author's signature wit and self-deprecation. The book is described as an elegiac portrait of a hilarious, inappropriate, and beautiful friend.

"...however, since when they come out, she organizes them into sharp, funny, insightful sentences that tell us more about her than they do the who/what..." Read more

"Extremely smart and elegant author who writes about rare air with humor and self deprecation. I'd read anything she writes" Read more

"...so pages, into a crackpot crime novel, an elegiac portrait of a hilarious/inappropriate/beautiful friend, a document of a once-in-a-lifetime..." Read more

"...is that the stench of incense on the mailer was overwhelming and offensive." Read more

9 customers mention "Writing quality"7 positive2 negative

Customers find the writing engaging and thought-provoking. They appreciate the author's sparkling prose and her ability to capture the author's life without him. The book is described as a quick read with powerful narcissist vibes.

"...The amazing writing of this author made it readable and thought provoking. So many unanswered questions, however beautifully written...." Read more

"...It was a quick read though." Read more

"...But this is not a morbid, sad book. She writes beautifully about her life without him...." Read more

"...The author captures this so acutely that at times I had to put this book down." Read more

6 customers mention "Intelligence"6 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the author's intelligence and honesty. They find her writing insightful, observant, and touching.

"...since when they come out, she organizes them into sharp, funny, insightful sentences that tell us more about her than they do the who/what/when of..." Read more

"...are unified and shot through by Crosley's sparkling prose, stubborn bigheartedness, and unyielding intellectual honesty and commitment...." Read more

"...Enjoyable? Yes, because this is as much an insight into the life of her subject (and into Sloane's, too) as anything else...." Read more

"Observant, touching, and where there is sadness, there is her signature wit...." Read more

5 customers mention "Readability"5 positive0 negative

Customers find the book engaging and enjoyable. They describe it as a hard but satisfying read with sly humor. The book is described as moving and an amazing account of joy and grief by the author.

"...to a moment in time, a love letter to New York, and a shockingly enjoyable 'romp' through...the pandemic?..." Read more

"This is an amazing, painfully moving book about the grief the author experiences after losing not a parent, or a child, or a sibling, or a partner,..." Read more

"...Crackling sentences, astute observations, sly wit... a hard but satisfying read. Congrats to Crosley!" Read more

"Addictive read...." Read more

3 customers mention "Friendship"3 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the book about friendship. They find it engaging and a good companion for anyone who needs to express their feelings.

"...This is about life, love, friends who are like family, and the question; how do we process grief in all its various forms. ​" Read more

"A good companion for anyone who needs to feel what they feel and let someone or something go...." Read more

"A ravishing, funny, and unexpectedly propulsive book about friendship..." Read more

Another FANTASTIC Crosley book!
4 out of 5 stars
Another FANTASTIC Crosley book!
I’m always going to read Sloane Crosley. Her hilarious essays and forays into fiction are both delightful, so it’s super interesting to see another side of her with Grief is for People.And honestly, if I didn’t already love her books, I might be tempted to dismiss it as just another grief book and not read it. It is not. Her astute observations (as always) elevate this book into something more.In this book Crosley really delves into her grief over the death of one of her dearest friends to suicide. Grieving for the death of a friend can be surprisingly hard because our society places such a “value” on losing a partner or a family member. Crosley examines how this can affect us.Right around the time Crosley lost her friend, her home was robbed. At first I thought she seemed to compare the death and robbery a bit too much, since one is just so much worse than the other. As she wrote though I really could understand the way the two events were inexorably linked in her mind and how they bolstered each other up. As in - If I can find out who robbed me I can figure out why my friend died.Grief is such a freaking journey and Crosley does a great job of describing this. Even though I haven’t lost a close friend like our author, I found myself relating to it with my feelings of loss over the death of my mom.If you love clever, introspective essays, I think you’ll love this too. ❤️
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on March 29, 2024
    There is something comforting when you find a book with so many passages that resonate. When the author’s thoughts are in synch with many you’ve had, only, she naturally articulated them much better than you could, thus, the book. This author is one of my auto-buys. This narrative is like nothing she’s written before, yet it bears her same smart style, and despite the subject of loss and grief, she manages to insert her witty edge. Two events take place within close proximity of each other, One, though it pales in comparison to the other, is symbolic of what was taken from her on another level, thus the root of the title.

    She began her career in publishing as a publicist. As luck would have it, she found a best friend in her boss, Russell, more than a decade her senior, an effusive, voracious reader, lover of authors, brilliant, humorous. Russell took a liking to Sloane straight away. His vast literary knowledge, love of things (especially those acquired at the flea market), which he attached magical qualities to, and Sloane couldn’t help but absorb this almost unspoken language it seemed only the two of them shared. They had fun. Lots of it, from everyday antics at the office to walking home from work together, author events, and weekends spent at Russell’s country home where she had a standing invitation. While out one evening, a burglar broke into her apartment, stole her jewelry, some priceless, most irreplaceable and given to her by her grandmother, all of which she didn’t realize she’d miss, until they were gone. She felt violated, of course, but a connection to her friend whose touch was often through a large gold ring she wore or stories he made up about the pieces she’d never see or wear again. Just weeks after, while still trying to process the robbery, Russell died by suicide. In disbelief, shock, and soon followed by grief, Crosley walked around in a somewhat of a daze. As if she were looking for her friend. Where did he go. He vanished. Along with her jewelry. Then came the pandemic.

    Crosley touches on feelings that many of us have experienced when losing someone so important. Namely, how it feels to move on without your person. It’s not just the waking up and realizing they’re no longer here, it’s what they’re missing and how can we possibly enjoy that thing without them experiencing joy right alongside us. While she doesn’t tout this as a self-help book, she touches on the stages of grief, sensitive to the fact that not all grief is tied to death, there are many types of loss. This is about life, love, friends who are like family, and the question; how do we process grief in all its various forms.

    17 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on May 23, 2024
    The only reason for the 4 star is that the stench of incense on the mailer was overwhelming and offensive.
  • Reviewed in the United States on February 1, 2025
    This book was profoundly heartbreaking. The amazing writing of this author made it readable and thought provoking. So many unanswered questions, however beautifully written. This book was not put down until finished.
    One person found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on September 30, 2024
    It goes on and on and on about some jewelry that was stolen. In the context of a book about coping with the suicide of a best friend, the number of pages devoted to stolen jewelry seemed out of place. It was a quick read though.
    4 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on June 11, 2024
    I read some other reviews to get a sense of how others took this book. Some were critical of her using the burglary of her jewelry in the context of losing a dear friend by suicide. I'm not here to criticize those readers; to each their own, but I respectfully disagree. She lost material things that were precious to her (old, familial heirlooms) and she lost a human being. At no time does she equate the two. But because she did suffer those two losses in quick succession, she has to navigate both. Separately and together. She braids the disparate grief into one narrative without mashing them into one.

    The phrase "grief is grief" irritates me. Having lost dear pets, grandparents to old age, a father to suicide, and a 10-year-old daughter to her heart defect, I can say that each grief is vastly different. But they all have to be navigated. Instead, I like the concept that grief expands to fit the container it's in, (even if that's essentially saying "grief is grief" but without the comparative, dismissive undertones.) It's a better way for me to understand that the grief someone has is the only one they know, and it matters. I thought using the burglary as a contextual entry into the more complicated grief of losing her friend was well done and honored both of her losses. (Not to mention, the sleuthing she does to retrieve some of her pieces was first-rate crime thriller. This woman's got some serious cajones.)

    As for the actual writing, this author writes as if she has a million words in her brain and she must get them all out as fast as possible. This isn't a criticism, however, since when they come out, she organizes them into sharp, funny, insightful sentences that tell us more about her than they do the who/what/when of what she's telling. She's obviously incredibly intelligent and I loved being allowed into her story.
    16 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on June 25, 2024
    I have a lot of complicated feelings about this, but suffice to say it's an incredible book with stunning prose. It's worth reading for that alone, though the way Crosley built up an almost-complete picture of her friend--and she implicitly and explicitly acknowledges it's incomplete, but entirely true to her--is also masterful.

    But. There's grace given to her friend for his darker sides, but no real understanding of or empathy for what it's like to idealize suicide, of how vital it feels and what a relief it is to move from depression to action and how that feels like one of the greatest gifts you can give to your loved ones. Crosley mentions Virginia Woolf's suicide, but has she ever read the note Woolf left for her husband? Crosley's friend left no note, though, so maybe that was enough to disqualify their similarities.

    There's a meditation toward the beginning of the book on how hard it is to live beyond and to accept that your loved one, a dominating and beloved presence in your life, was so wrong this one last time and will never be right again. That was a devastating part of the book. But ultimately this story is about the author, not her friend.
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on January 15, 2025
    A good companion for anyone who needs to feel what they feel and let someone or something go. It does bob and weave but that really captures how we all experience grief as we go about mundane life.
    One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • DM2222
    1.0 out of 5 stars It was ok.
    Reviewed in Canada on September 7, 2024
    The first part about the theft and the second about the death of a friend was relatable but the third part of the novel which was suppose to be about how Covid affected people was just about New York and really created a barrier between the reader and the narrator/author. The writing style was pretentious without substance or depth of thought.
  • KE
    5.0 out of 5 stars Loved this
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 28, 2024
    Beautifully written and moving